Bambie

Tag: writing

  • New year, different me

    I am glad to see 2025 go; it was a hard year for me. I lost a lot of what I gained in the year before. It was a year of loss and redirection for me. Being truthful, I hated it. I tried to romanticize it and tell myself that everything happens for a reason, but at the end of the day, I felt stuck in place. Stuck in a year that was seemingly playing with me just for the fun of it. It didn’t feel like I was in charge anymore; it felt like I had only signed up for a free trial of joy and control instead of purchasing the lifetime subscription. I wanted that happiness back; I crave it.

    Going into the new year, I am holding on dearly to anything from 2025 that brought me any sense of joy. This blog, for example, was something I started that I’m choosing to bring with me. My daily journaling will follow me, as well as some good people. A hard part about this new year is knowing some people and pets won’t be joining me. Loss is loss, regardless of how it happens, growing apart, fights, death, 2026 won’t see everyone that 2025 did, and sometimes that is hard.

    For the most part, I am still the same person; nothing about my core self has changed, but I am more resilient now, kinder to strangers, and smarter. All the pain and knowledge and lessons learnt last year will follow me now and have changed how I live my day-to-day, creating a different version of me that can face new challenges for this new year. I only hope I like this year more, that it treats me kindly and brings good things my way. If it doesn’t, I will persevere like I’ve been doing and try to find my own joy in small things that I can create for myself.

  • Last day being 19

    Bambie

    Forever a teenage girl

    Today is my last day being nineteen. I knew this day would eventually come, but it always felt so far away. Of course, it used to really be a far-away thing, until it wasn’t. I swear, just yesterday it was my thirteenth birthday, and I was entering a new, dramatic, and fulfilling stage of my life. How can it have gone by so quickly? Being a teenage girl is such a beautiful and terrorizing thing to live through. There is truly nothing else in the world like it; no one understands the mind of a teenage girl better than another teenage girl. It’s a community filled with love and drama that means nothing and everything, unanimously. My point is, it’s an important part of my life that is officially coming to a close. I’m not sure at all how to part with it, I guess that’s why I started this blog in the first place. The tagline “Forever a teenage girl ” I mean, c’mon, I know it’s cringy, but I relate to it so much!

    The teenage version of myself is always going to exist in me one way or another, and I have grown to love her very much. Mind you, she has not always been the easiest person to deal with. My teenage self is full of love, regardless of living through hardship. She’s dramatic and funny and romanticizes every aspect of her life to make things more tolerable. The height of emotions you feel as a teen girl and the endless pit of songs, films, and books written about your existence is wonderful and something I am going to dearly miss. This is not to say that I am not excited for this new chapter of my life; in fact, I am very excited for my twenties and look forward to seeing what they entail for me. But I do think I will always look back on these years fondly, on this version of myself that was growing and changing every day. I will continue to carry her with me everywhere I go, and I will continue to feed into her spark.

  • For the better

    Bambie

    Forever a teenage girl

    How do you know when something is for the better? In my experience, whenever someone tells me it’s “for the better,” it’s because my heart is breaking and my mind can’t comprehend what is happening. It’s a pitiful way for a friend to try and help you deal with your feelings. But when you have that dull aching pain in your chest, and the feeling of a fist in your throat, for the better sounds like a bunch of bullshit. How could a bodily reaction that feels so guttural be the response to something happening “for the better”? It doesn’t make any sense, and I don’t find it fair. To be honest, I find most things in life to be unfair, but this one in particular seems to be very cruel.

    Why does reaching a better place mean going through something so painful that it feels like your world is ending? (I have always been a sensitive girl and someone who feels very deeply, so forgive me if the way I’m talking seems exaggerated or too much, it is unfortunately how I feel.) How could the end of something you loved so deeply mean that something better was on the way? It feels like a trick from everyone around you, making you feel angry that they could insinuate what you had was no good. Of course, in most cases, there was some semblance of negativity involved, which led to the end or at least played a role in it someway or another. Denial and anger are the first stages of grief after all. It makes sense, I guess, to not want to believe the worst of what you had and think only about the positives and good times. This in turn, makes it extremely difficult to think something better is on the way or that you’re better off with nothing at all, a fate that haunts me every night.

  • grieving thoughts

    Bambie

    Forever a teenage girl

    One day, we will all transform…

    Today I went for a walk as the weather finally let up. The sun was out and accompanied by a nice breeze. I got dressed, putting something on that would make me feel pretty and curled my lashes before packing a bag. The contents of my bag included:

    • A pen
    • A pencil
    • Chapstick
    • A claw clip
    • My sketchbook
    • My current read (The Priory of the Orange Tree)
    • My journal
    • My keys

    Once all that was ready, I locked the door and started walking. I wasn’t sure where I was going at first, I simply knew I needed to leave the house. The past couple of days have been extremely challenging, as I’ve been dealing with exam season and the loss of my cat. It feels like my entire world has been crashing down all at the same time. It’s really annoying to think that the typical advice of “taking a walk” could actually help when you know the only thing that could really fix anything is impossible. I can’t bring my cat back, and I can’t change the timing of exam season. So, I went for a walk. As annoying as it is, walking around in my university city, exploring areas I haven’t had the chance to visit yet, and finding a tree to sit under in a park lifted my mood. It helped that on my journey I found three boxes of books on the side of the road. I went through them all and put a couple in my bag to take home. But there I was, under a tree at the base of a field with the sun slowly setting, watching families play catch and kids run around the playground. I got to see all these people experiencing joy together and making memories they won’t forget. I realized that life is cruel for bringing us such joy like this to only give us grief. I realized that the price of life is death, and that being human means being forced to feel that burden, carrying it with us emotionally. I realized that in the end, energy doesn’t die but instead, it transforms. One day, we will all transform into something new, and nothing will really have mattered.

    I don’t know yet if this provided me with any comfort or if it has made me more upset. I think it’s a mix of both. A frustration with the design of life and the human mind. I wrote about this in my journal under that tree, but I felt like sharing it here; this time there is no tree and field, but the ceiling and walls of my room. I don’t know if that makes a difference, probably not, but worth mentioning. Long story short, I’m going to try and go on more walks. They help me think and clear my mind. And sometimes you get free books and get to pet a friendly cat.

  • Bender

    Bambie

    Forever a teenage girl

    what to do when you miss someone?

    I often struggle with this a lot, missing people or things that I don’t have in my life anymore, whether this be because of a falling out, the passage of time, or death. I can think about our memories and look at old photographs, but that never satisfies me. Sometimes, if it’s an option, I think about reaching out, saying hi and asking how they’ve been, but I rarely do because I know that’s not wise and that we don’t talk anymore for a reason. I think what bugs me about this the most is that I don’t have any control over it. What I mean is, it’s hard to accept that something is over, that someone is gone and never coming back. I get nostalgic, and I want to live in the good moments forever, but because this is real life, those moments always pass, and times always get hard. It’s too bad that good things always come to an end.

    I’ve been trying to work on this more lately, trying to wrap my head around the fact that change is ok and people don’t need to be permanent in our lives for what you experienced with them to mean anything. Of course, though, it is much easier said than done, and although I know the reality of it all, dealing with the feelings is hard.

    This wasn’t a post I was planning on making, but a very important someone in my life isn’t too well, and we will most likely be saying goodbye to him. My cat of 11 years is sick, and he just might be the only living creature to know everything about me. It’s silly telling your cat all about your life and drama, but he was always there for me when I needed him. I barely remember my life without him. And although this post is not only about pet loss, but the loss of any kind of relationship, this is going to be one of the hardest things I go through. I’m just not sure what to do. I know that I will never not miss him, never not wish he was still here with me; what I don’t know is how I will continue without him. There is no doubt I will lose a part of myself with him, but I also know he will be ok wherever he goes and that having him in my life will have been beyond worth any pain I feel for the rest of my life without him.

    I do hope no one else is in the process of losing their childhood pet and best friend, but if you are, you are not alone, and things will get better. Celebrate the time you had with one another, and together, we can figure it all out.

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    My beautiful baby boy, Bender. I love you with all my heart ❤

  • First post

    Bambie

    Forever a teenage girl

    My First Blog Post!!

    This is so exciting!!! If I’m being honest, this blog is not very thought-out at all. In fact, I came up with the idea last night at like 5am (my sleep schedule is not my issue). I’m thinking the best way to start off my blog would be with a get-to-know-me type post, so here goes nothing!

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    Here I am!!! This was me a couple of nights ago before going out for a friend’s birthday.

    Peep the room in the back:) I’d totally love to give a room tour one day, I think that could be really fun. My room is literally my sanctuary, I am constantly adding to my walls and buying new posters. Something about me is that I LOVE maximalism and I high key just want to live in a trinket shop lol.

    Here is a quick way to get to know some of the most basic things about me.

    • I am 19 years old.
    • I use she/they pronouns (Though I do not mind she/her being exclusively used.
    • I’m 5″5
    • I am a Leo rising, Libra moon, and Sagittarius rising.
    • My favourite colours are green, brown, purple, and red (Clearly I have issues picking just one).
    • I’m going into my third year of university for Sexuality, Gender, and Social Change
    • I am bilingual (French and English)

    Things I love:

    • Reading
    • Music
    • Stuffed animals
    • Tattoos
    • Journaling
    • Spring
    • Cats
    • Stars
    • Drawing
    • Pandas

    Things I hate:

    • Pelicans
    • Math
    • Spiders
    • Conservatives
    • Thunderstorms
    • Rap music (Not Hamilton though)
    • Mushrooms

    That sums up all the basic information I could think of off the top of my head. I’d love to answer any questions and hear from people with similar interest.

    Writing this page has been super fun, and I look forward to the future of this blog with such excitement:)) I don’t really have expectations for where this is going to go, as it is currently just a new hobby I am adding to my list. But nonetheless, I cannot wait to make more posts like this!