Bambie

Forever a teenage girl

How do you know when something is for the better? In my experience, whenever someone tells me it’s “for the better,” it’s because my heart is breaking and my mind can’t comprehend what is happening. It’s a pitiful way for a friend to try and help you deal with your feelings. But when you have that dull aching pain in your chest, and the feeling of a fist in your throat, for the better sounds like a bunch of bullshit. How could a bodily reaction that feels so guttural be the response to something happening “for the better”? It doesn’t make any sense, and I don’t find it fair. To be honest, I find most things in life to be unfair, but this one in particular seems to be very cruel.

Why does reaching a better place mean going through something so painful that it feels like your world is ending? (I have always been a sensitive girl and someone who feels very deeply, so forgive me if the way I’m talking seems exaggerated or too much, it is unfortunately how I feel.) How could the end of something you loved so deeply mean that something better was on the way? It feels like a trick from everyone around you, making you feel angry that they could insinuate what you had was no good. Of course, in most cases, there was some semblance of negativity involved, which led to the end or at least played a role in it someway or another. Denial and anger are the first stages of grief after all. It makes sense, I guess, to not want to believe the worst of what you had and think only about the positives and good times. This in turn, makes it extremely difficult to think something better is on the way or that you’re better off with nothing at all, a fate that haunts me every night.